Julia's Birth Story

I guess I've been feeling a bit wistful these past few days, since we'll be celebrating my baby girl's first birthday on Wednesday!  I've been reminiscing lately about this time last year, and I just can't even believe that it's already been a YEAR ago!  If you like birth stories, read on.  :)

Julia's birth was definitely the hardest to wait for out of my three babies.  I think partly because both of my older kids were a few days early . . . and that trend looked like it would continue with this baby.

I was especially anxious to find out the gender of this baby, as we wanted to be surprised!

February rolled around, and I had convinced myself that I only had a few weeks left (my actual due date was March 6th)!  Which just meant I had to really work on my patience when the baby didn't share my timetable.  ;)

God placed amazing people in my life to keep reminding me to savor the last days of being a mommy of two, and enjoying each day, whether it involved going into labor, or waking up still pregnant the next morning.  I had night after night of steady, uncomfortable contractions, and then, nothing.  I was convinced that this baby would never come.  

NE-VER.

I have never struggled with the irrational "I-will-truly-be-pregnant-forever" mindset until I was waiting for this baby to be born.  My older two kids were easy on me.  Olivia was born one day before her due date (especially nice for a first baby!), and Levi was born six days before his due date. I now understand why so many sweet pregnant Mamas have been a breath away from losing their sanity.  I have been there!  ;)

I tried everything I could think of to "naturally" induce labor.  Raspberry leaf tea (I found out later, this really has nothing to do with inducing labor - don't fall into the same trap I did!), Mom and I would go to the mall and "mall walk", climbing stairs two at a time, building a snowman with my kids, my doctor even stripped the membranes twice, to no avail.  Let this be a cautionary tale to all you desperate-to-just-give-birth-already Mamas - babies really do come when they're ready to come.  God had this little one's book of days numbered before she would ever arrive, and there wasn't anything I, or any doctor could do to force his hand.  It did make me feel a little better though to think that maybe one of my attempts would be the time God would give the green light!  ;)

Finally, my doctor offered (for the second time) to schedule an induction for March 9, when my baby would be officially overdue.  I gratefully accepted this time, and spent the next few days in restless anticipation.

At last, the big day arrived, and I was up before dawn.  I had such conflicting emotions that morning. This was such a completely different experience for me.  It was nice to have time to shower, and get ready for the day, as opposed to a middle of the night "this is it!" type of situation.  But I was apprehensive that labor would stall, and because of the induction there would be more hospital interventions - and there were so many "what if's" associated with that.  I really, really wanted to have a quick, natural delivery like my other two had been (Levi's was only two hours, unmedicated!  I'd take that any day!!).   I had so many butterflies!

Checking in this time was so surreal!  Instead of arriving at the hospital in full blown hard labor, we casually walked in with our suitcase, and it was more like checking into a hotel!  Instead of being hooked up to a fetal monitor in triage, we were taken directly to the birthing suite.  We arrived at around 7:30, and by the time I was admitted, changed, and had my hep lock started, it was pushing 8:30 before they were ready to break my water, and get the party started.

If you notice, our nurse's name was Julie this time.  She was phenomenal.  She said she had been doing this for (I think?) around 25 years.  I loved her to pieces!  We had another nurse who was helping out and learning the ropes, and she was also very gentle and respectful.  I really don't have enough good things to say about the staff at St Luke's.

Even little things like writing down the sibling's names, so all the staff know who to expect and who to congratulate when the baby arrives.  :)

After they got me all hooked up to the fetal monitor, I was ready for the nurse to start labor (we hoped!).

No matter how many times I have heard it before, there is always something so precious about hearing my baby's heartbeat on the monitor.  That little whump whump whump sound is music to my ears.





Then it was just on to waiting for contractions to begin!  By this point, I was literally ready to do jumping jacks if it came to it to get the show on the road faster - I just wanted to meet our baby!!



By about 9:15, contractions were starting to come fairly regularly, and the doctor stopped in and cheerfully quipped "Hopefully we'll have a baby by lunchtime!"  I prayed she would be right!  Since this wasn't my first rodeo, I knew that labor tends to go better for me if I am up and moving.  The nurses were more than happy to let me get up and walk the halls, in hopes that we could get labor moving well.



Nate is absolutely wonderful.  He is willing to do whatever he can to help me through labor and delivery.  He is gentle, compassionate, and brave.  I could not have gotten through my deliveries without him!  Speaking of lifelines, my Mom is an incredible doula!  She is calm, knowledgable, and especially since she's my Mom, she is a comfort I could not do without.  I was so thankful for these two!



It was so interesting to be walking around the hospital while in labor!  Again, this was a new experience, since with the other two, I had either labored at home the majority of the time, or given birth very soon after arriving at the hospital.



Contractions were coming about 5 minutes apart, and getting steadily stronger.  I was encouraged!  It was also nice to have the diversion of exploring the hospital wing.  We actually bumped into our Pediatrician making her rounds, and she was cheerfully surprised to see us there!  "I hope I'll see you guys later - that will mean I'll be checking in on a baby!!"  :)



Contractions continued to get stronger, and come closer together - they were about 3 minutes apart when I would have to pause, and focus through them.  Again, Mom was there with gentle, quiet direction - "Spread your legs apart a bit more to really open up your hips . . . it might help if you sway.  Nate, try to put pressure here on her back . . . " etc.  So helpful.

Really though, between contractions, I was feeling good!

Julie was so respectful and quiet - and really just let me labor on my own so long as I was feeling up to it.  She would check in with me periodically, and occasionally she'd have me stop back into the room to check the baby's heartbeat.



I was drinking lots of water - as dehydration can really slow things down with labor.  Also, I had read somewhere that a full bladder can slow labor as well!  I was so paranoid about labor stalling, that I was doing everything I could think of to keep it progressing nicely.  I stopped in the room to use the bathroom, and after that, contractions were coming about 2 minutes apart or sometimes closer, and getting pretty intense.  Julie wanted to check me to see where we were at, and she said "I think you're around 5 centimeters."  To which I exclaimed in dismay, "That's it?!?"  She hurriedly said "Well, you might be at a 6 - maybe close to a 7 . . . " I think she was trying to make me feel better.  ;)  That was about 10:30.



I joked with Nate that the only times I could ever get him to slow dance were on our wedding day, and when I'm birthing his children.  ;)  At this point, contractions were coming so close that I lost track of how far apart they actually were - and I was also starting to feel pretty nauseous, which to me was an indicator that I was going into transition.  I asked Julie if it would be okay for me to get into the tub, as riding out the hardest contractions would be largely alleviated by the warm water!

I made it back into the room, and had a contraction that literally brought me to my knees.



My Mom was quietly coaching me to breathe, and I was just praying for God's grace to get me through this contraction, and the next - and to please bring my baby safely into the world.  Things were rolling along at a pretty good clip though - and I was so relieved and thankful that I could avoid Pitocin for the time being!



Being in the water is still, in my opinion the best part of labor.  They don't call it a "midwives' epidural" for nothing!  :)  Again, Julie was so accommodating and respectful as I labored - she kept popping in every few minutes to check the water temperature (since I'd had my water broken, we had to monitor the temperature carefully for safety), or to see if I needed anything.  And of course, Nate never left my side.  <3



After being in the tub for about 20 minutes, I began to feel a lot of pressure.  I called to Julie that I was ready to get out, and she agreed that it would be wise to check my progress.  As I laid down on the bed, I felt the baby shift, and commented, "Whoa, something just happened!".  I think I gave poor Julie a heart attack!  She quickly checked beneath the sheets afraid she was going to find the baby's head popped out!  Did I mention that I was ready to meet my baby??



As this was my third time giving birth, I knew what was coming, and I was dreading it.  Julie checked me and mentioned to Meredith (our other nurse) that she could call the doctor.



Those last contractions are a beast.  It took every ounce of courage I had to focus on the task, and not shrink from the final hurdle I had to clear: pushing.  I dread pushing with every fiber in my body.  I am not one of those Moms who feel an "urge" to push, nor do I find relief in pushing.  It just hurts. Like the Dickens.



My doctor laughed when she came in - "Wow, when I said by lunchtime, you really meant it!"  She checked me, had me push once, and then talked me through it.



There is no "easy" part of labor, but for me, this is the worst part.  I started to succumb to the pain - I had reached my "I don't know if I can do this anymore" threshold, and my doctor saw it.  She reached through my fog, and pulled me back to reality.  I love her for it!  One more push, and our baby was here!

There are no words in the English language to describe what is emblazoned on your heart in this moment.  It is a powerful, spiritual thing to behold life beginning - flesh of your flesh, and bone of your bone.

And the moment we had all been waiting for . . . 

It's a . . . GIRL!!

Joy.  Relief.  Shock!  Love.  Thankfulness.  My heart swelled with so many emotions all at once.

The nurse asked us what her name was.  I looked at Nate.  Julia?  He nodded.  Julia.  Julia Elise.

And she was here.  At last!  Our precious baby girl.  I just marveled that God would choose me to be the vessel He so skillfully wove her together inside.

I held her close to my heart for a long time before the staff weighed and measured her.  This hospital really is incredible at births!  

Our sweet Julia Elise came in at 7 lbs 6 oz, and 21 3/4" long.  She was my smallest, and longest baby of the three!  Born at 11:13 am.

About an hour after the birth, I got up to move to the rocking chair, so that the staff could "turn the room" and I felt great!  I ate lunch, and my Mom left to go back and give my big kids the good news. My sister arrived to meet her littlest niece, and I enjoyed hearing how my big kids had fared with her over the course of the morning.

After eating lunch, I stood up to use the bathroom, and lost a lot of blood.  Now, having just given birth, I didn't think too much of it - they had had a bit of trouble getting the placenta out, however, so I figured I should at least let our nurse know.

Things got a little crazy after that.  She began kneading my stomach, and called in another nurse.  Julie's shift had ended, so we had a bunch of new nurses.  They called in more nurses, who called in the doctor.  I was in a lot of pain by this point, as they were pushing as hard as they could, and I hadn't had any pain meds during the birth - and I was still losing a lot of blood.

My doctor let me know that they would need to get me back to the OR, and that it was most likely just a stubborn piece of placenta that hadn't come all the way out.  They had to start another IV line, and since I had already eaten, the anesthesiologist had me drink some really bad tasting magic potion that would prevent asphyxiation once I was put under if my lunch decided to make another appearance.  One of the nurses started pushing forms at me to sign, and at one point, I heard "the worst case scenario is that we would need to do a hysterectomy . . . " and at that point everything else started to become a blur.

I just remember thinking, "what about my baby?  Who is holding my baby?"

Nate was worried, understandably, and trying to remain calm and supportive as they wheeled me back to the OR.  The nurse said, "Give her one more kiss!" and at that point, we both lost it.  I remember whispering something to the effect of "go snuggle our new baby" and that I loved him, and then it was into the OR and under the anesthesia I went.

All in all, the whole procedure was very fast, and successful, and they were able to bring me back to the room a couple of hours later.  My sister (bless her heart!) had stayed the entire time to be with Nate, who was pacing the floor and furiously texting updates to my Mom, who was at this point back at home with our kids.

Although feeling at that point like I'd been hit by a train, I was so. thankful.  Thankful that it was over, and that I was holding my healthy baby safely in my arms.   I was thankful for my husband's warm embrace, and thankful that God had mercifully brought me to the other side of yet another delivery.

She is absolute perfection.

And honestly?  Worth every single moment of that labor.  I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies, for the love which from our birth, over and around us lies.  Lord of all, to Thee we raise - this, our hymn of grateful praise.

Thanks to Today Everlasting Photography for the priceless photos!

Julia Elise and FPIES

All of my kids have had interesting food "journeys" in their short little lives.  Olivia had infant reflux as a tiny baby.  She refused to nurse at first, and would scream for hours without being consoled.  She had slow weight gain, and finally was diagnosed with reflux when she was about eight weeks old.  After making significant changes to my diet, we were able to make things manageable for her, and finally got her to nurse well at around three months old.

When Levi was born, we were all delighted and relieved that he nursed well from the very beginning!  However, at around three weeks old, he too started showing signs of excessive fussiness/colicky behavior.  After consulting with the Pediatrician, we narrowed it down to a dairy sensitivity (thankfully not a dairy allergy, which is more serious).  Most babies have trouble breaking down the caseins (proteins) in dairy products, not necessarily the lactose (which is considered a lactose intolerance).  After eliminating dairy from my diet (going without cheese and butter . . . so hard!), I had a different baby!  He was happy and content most of the time, and I was happy to go without dairy for a short time for his comfort.  Thankfully, today he enjoys dairy products with no issues!  :)

Both of my older kiddos were completely uninterested in starting solid foods until they were about 9 months old, and could basically feed themselves.  When I excitedly offered them purees at 6 months, they both looked at me like I was trying to poison them.  While I really wasn't in a hurry to start them on solid foods, I would still daydream about the prospect of making all the different baby foods from scratch, freezing them in cute little batches, and feeding them to my babies who would dribble more down their chins than ingest.  Alas, it was not to be! 

Enter the third child!  Julia was by far my easiest baby in terms of nursing.  I really didn't have to have any dietary restrictions with her at all (beyond the obvious things), and she has been a happy, easy going baby who has made having babies look easy (okay, well, almost.  ;).  Just like with the other two, I offered her pureed avocado at around six months.  I thought, "this is it!  She'll be the one to enjoy baby food!"  She timidly gave it a taste at least, complete with adorable scowls and sour faces.  A few hours later, she became super fussy and clingy. Then she started spitting up quite a bit.  She had always been a spitter, so I really didn't think anything of it, and put her to bed - attributing the fussiness to teething or some other typical "baby" ailment.  About an hour after I put her to bed, I heard her wake up crying, and went in to check on her.  She was still sleeping, but had spit up again, and crawled out of the puddle in her crib mattress.  :(  I had to take her out, change her pajamas and crib sheets, and put her back to bed.  I really wasn't sure what to think!  Maybe, I thought, like the other kids, she just won't quite be "ready" until she's a little older.  So I waited a few months.  No hurry, I thought.

This time, we offered her banana.  She eagerly took it off the spoon, and was happy to have more!  I was so excited at how well she was doing, and cooed over how cute she was.  I was still a little gun shy after the avocado episode, however, so I kept her "meal" to just a few tablespoons.  Sure enough, a few hours later, the same scenario unfolded.  This time, my "mommy radar" was going off, and since Julia had her 9 month appointment a few days later, I discussed it with my Pediatrician.  She assured me that nutritionally, it wasn't essential for Julia to be on solids until around her first birthday, so not to worry.  She was thinking it was probably something that would require working with an occupational therapist (for trouble swallowing, texture/sensory processing disorder, etc) for a bit, and that it didn't sound too unusual.  She said that if Julia still wasn't eating anything well by 12 months, we would have a therapist watch her eat to try to narrow it down.  "Just wait a few more weeks, and try again."  

So we did!  Julia had gotten to the point that when she saw us sitting down at the table, she knew it meant food, and she would crawl over to me and want to be held out of curiosity.  Sometimes I would offer her a taste of what I was eating if it was "baby friendly", but most of the time she wouldn't eat it - she just wanted to see what we were doing!  This particular morning, I had made oatmeal for breakfast, and offered her a taste.  It was the tiniest bite!  But she of course, loved it.  Satisfied with her taste, she got back down and was playing happily.  About 3 hours later, during her morning nap, she began crying.  I went up to see what was wrong, and there was vomit. everywhere.

As Nate was home, I called for him to come up and help so that I could put Julia into the tub, and start changing her sheets.  My poor baby kept throwing up in the tub, to the point that I started to get concerned.  I scooped her out into a towel, and held her as she started vomiting stomach bile, and then her little body tensed as she started to dry heave.  She was lethargic and clingy the rest of the day.  Definitely not normal.  

I called my Pediatrician again, and she agreed that it wasn't normal, and referred us to a Pediatric GI Specialist at the University Children's Hospital.  Praise God that we live in such close proximity to some of the best health care in the state!!

We spent several hours with this specialist, and after doing some blood work, and talking over Julia's symptoms, she gave her the diagnosis of FPIES.  Food Protein Induced Enterocolitis Syndrome.  If you want the really detailed version of this disorder, click here.

Basically, it means kids with FPIES are allergic to, well, food!  Unlike other food allergies that can be tested for with skin "patch" testing, or treated with an epi-pen, FPIES only affects the gastrointestinal system.  Furthermore, any food can cause a reaction - even foods that wouldn't typically be considered "allergen" foods (I'm looking at you, oats!).  There are some common "trigger" foods, but no two kids are the same when it comes to what can cause a reaction.  Even in trace amounts, if the child ingests an offending food, it can cause a reaction.  However, FPIES reactions don't usually occur from breastmilk, which explains why we never noticed the symptoms until starting Julia on solids.

Because the symptoms agitate the GI system so severely, it can cause extreme dehydration, and cause the patient to actually go into shock, which is a life threatening condition (about 20% of the time in reactions).  Thankfully, by the grace of God, we never experienced anything so severe!  Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing what will become a "trigger" food for Julia until she's had a reaction.  The good news is (I am always so thankful for good news!), most children outgrow FPIES by about age three.  We just have to hang in there for a few years (Lord willing!).

You can imagine my blank stare as the doctor was explaining all of this to me - I mean, what do we feed her?!?  Also, because FPIES is such a rare disorder, there is very little information out there on how to live with it as opposed to say, Autism, or a peanut allergy.  After I stopped reeling from all the implications (no cake for her first birthday, watching her like a hawk to avoid a reaction from food dropped on the floor, etc), I am optimistic about going forward.  If anything, I am relieved that we found an answer to her symptoms so quickly, and without any serious episodes!  God has been merciful to us.

For now, we are just taking it very slowly.  Any new food must be introduced a week or two at a time, as reactions are typically delayed, not instant (again, unlike a typical "food allergy").  It also should be single ingredient type courses, as it will make it too difficult otherwise to pinpoint what cause a reaction.  We are praying for her safety and well being, and thankful that she is a happy, healthy girl who has continued to grow and thrive!  

Without writing a novel, that's FPIES in a nutshell.  I still have much to learn, but I wouldn't hesitate to answer any questions I can!  We would covet your prayers for Julia, and for us as we seek wisdom in how to care for her best, and that she will continue to be spared from any serious reactions.

We are super excited to celebrate her FIRST birthday in just a couple of weeks now, and enjoying her first steps, first words, and generally pretty much everything about her!  She is a sweet, vivacious girl and we are incredibly blessed to be her parents.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

It has been a difficult month.  The last several weeks have felt like labor pains . . . one thing right on top of the other with (seemingly) no respite in between.

About a month ago, Nate and I received the wonderful chance to get away for a weekend marriage conference with Paul David Tripp.  The content was rich, and the speaker was excellent.  We returned home so refreshed, and optimistic.  Then we fell back to earth with a thud as Nate came down with a stomach bug that night.

I began the usual task of running around disinfecting every surface I could think of, washing sheets, tending to my sick husband, and pleading with God to spare me from catching it.  Catching a stomach bug is worse than (in my humble opinion) going through labor and delivery!  Olivia was next in line, and thankfully, just had mild symptoms.  God in his kindness kept me healthy, and I breathed a sigh of relief when Monday rolled around and Nate seemed to be on the up and up.  He still wasn't back to being 100%, however, and his appetite didn't really show much improvement.  That Thursday, he was feeling well enough to attend school with Olivia, and really enjoyed the opportunity to participate with her there.  That afternoon, we came home and he suddenly didn't feel well again.

Nate went to bed around 1 pm, and slept until close to 10 pm without waking up once!  He was up for just a little while, and then went back to bed for the night.  Come to find out, there was a second bug going around our homeschool community group that knocked out so many families they ended up having to cancel the following week's meeting.  Yikes!  This time, the rest of our family didn't escape.  What started out presenting like a stomach bug (AGAIN) slowly morphed into feverish, body aches and cold symptoms.  It was a yucky business that picked us all off one by one, and took forever to get through!

By the Friday before Valentine's Day, I felt like climbing the walls.  I had not been out of the house much due to sickness, and Nate was still struggling with not feeling well.  I had been playing full-time nurse, and full time Mommy for nearly two weeks, and I was overwhelmed.  I was frustrated as God was revealing to me how willing I was to serve my family - as long as it didn't require too much sacrifice on my part.  I didn't like what I saw.  I had to keep preaching to myself, and praying that God would change my heart - even (especially?) in the midst of exhaustion.

Although Nate had been to the doctor, he was frustrated that he wasn't finding relief from the pesky symptoms.  I half jokingly said I'd be willing to drive the 3 1/2 hours to my parent's house just to get a hug from Mom.  My sweet, understanding husband said that if Mom didn't mind me showing up on her doorstep for the weekend, he was fine with that . . . so I loaded the kids into the van, and we "ran away from home" for the weekend!

It was really nice having a brief respite from the "sick house" for a couple of days.  I even got to enjoy a surprise coffee date sans kids with a dear, dear friend!  I was starting to feel like I got my feet back under me, and gearing up for going back home on Monday morning.  I was sitting with Mom and Dad after the kids had gone to bed Sunday evening (Valentine's Day), when Mom started getting text messages from people showing concern for my Grandpa.  Of course, we had no idea what was going on, so Mom called Grandpa's phone at 10:30 pm.  His fiancé answered, and confirmed that he had been in an accident, and was airlifted to a hospital in Phoenix (she didn't know which one) with life threatening injuries.

Mom began the grueling process of calling around hospitals in Phoenix, praying the entire time, and not sure what kind of answer she would receive when she finally found Grandpa.  Needless to say, none of us went to bed for a long time that night, as plans were made so Mom could drop everything, fly out to Phoenix, and be with Grandpa.

The following Tuesday, I spent most of the day at the University Children's Hospital with my sweet Julia, trying to get to the bottom of why she was having so much trouble starting on solid foods.  We left that day with a diagnosis: FPIES (more on that later).

Thursday was another homeschool community group day, and then that afternoon when I got home, I discovered that our dishwasher had finally conked out for good.

And most of you know that this past Monday, Grandpa passed away as a result of his injuries.

Of course my sweet husband continues to bear the weight of job searching, and hasn't had any real leads yet . . . he is still working with his doctor to get to the bottom of what is causing his on again/off again symptoms that just generally make him feel yucky, and God is teaching him through all of it as well!

It's been a tough few weeks.  And God is faithful.  I am not the same person I was three weeks ago.  He is continuing to refine me and make me more like Christ, and for that I am thankful!

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

 1 Peter 1:6-7

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (emphasis mine)

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.  Philippians 1:6

We have seen God at work in countless ways throughout the past weeks.  As John Piper said, "God is always doing 1,000,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of 3 of them."  We have felt the prayers of our brothers and sisters, and their kindness toward my family, and especially my Mom in her time of grief.  I am thankful.  Nothing brings me greater joy when in the midst of a bad day, than to make Jesus' Name look great.  May God because of his grace, enable me to do that!

Grace and Peace,

Amanda

A Walk In The Park

We are very fortunate to live in an area of town that is within walking distance of several beautiful locations. We happened to take a stroll over to the Brucemore Mansion the other day, and I brought along my trusty camera just in case any opportunities presented themselves.  :)

There are really beautiful flower gardens there that were actually designed by the same person who designed Central Park in NYC!  We were thrilled to discover several Monarchs fluttering around on their way down South.  :)

Look at this girl!  She is growing up before my eyes . . . 

Four going on fourteen.  <3

Exploring the gardens while Peaches hung out with Mama in the stroller. 

I told them to see who could get me first.  I am so. sad. this picture blurred!

This picture makes me giggle.  Pretty much sums them up!  One, prim and proper, and one, not so much.  ;)

When did she get so TALL?

This sweet girl was so happy to be lying outside under the trees.  She LOVES to be outside!

That face melts my heart.

Seriously.  Sometimes I love these kids so much my heart could burst.

These two have really become best friends.

Levi really loves to tell "Lidd-ee-uh" about all kinds of things!

I am so blessed.  <3

One Of Those Days

Today has been one of those days that makes you want to cry.  Or laugh.  Or both.  Sometimes at the same time.  It's been a long day.  You know the kind.

It was a sneaky day, because it really started out fairly well.  I got a decent amount of sleep last night, well, comparatively anyway . . . and greeted the day with faith-filled optimism.

And then it was breakfast time.  You could almost hear that rubber hitting the road.  ;)  Levi was following me around the kitchen begging "I want MEEEELK-shake!!  I want strawberry MEEEEELK-SHAKE!" (we call Kefir strawberry milkshake at our house.  haha)  I reminded myself that love is patient, and kind - and responded calmly "that's not how you ask, Levi."

Of course, we repeated this process about 15 times before he was seated at the table happily with his breakfast.  Scrambled eggs, "breakfast cookie" (one of those organic Aussie bites from Costco, those things are amazing!), and raspberries, blueberries, and strawberries.  I thought this breakfast looked delicious!  Levi, on the other hand, proceeded to complain that "I don't like scrambled eggs!  These are yucky!"

Ugh.  Mealtime battles.  AGAIN.  No matter, I said.  If he doesn't like it, really, doesn't like it, I can commiserate.  I used to loathe scrambled eggs as a kid too.  He ate all the other stuff, and I let him off the hook after three bites of eggs.  Okay, breakfast hurdle cleared!  I get Julia bathed, dressed, and down for her morning nap.  On to packing up for "park day" as the kids call it.

Some sweet Mom friends all meet at a park one day a week throughout the summer, and pack lunches, and hang out while the kids all get to enjoy each other and the park.  I'll be honest; I look forward to this every week, but today, it felt like a lifeline.  With Nate traveling, I have not had another grown-up in my house to talk to for a lot of days.  ;)  Needless to say, I was as anxious as the kids were today to get out the door.  I looked at the clock - 9 am.  We were all supposed to meet around 10.

I got the kids dressed, and judging from the cool, cloudy weather, decided not to put their bathing suits on them quite yet.  The park has a splash pad, but I wasn't sure we would be needing it today.  :)  I started packing lunches, and right in the middle of salami and provolone, Julia woke up.  That girl has impeccable timing.

I went in and decided it had been long enough that she might be getting hungry, so I sat down in the rocking chair in our bedroom to feed her.  This morning Olivia and Levi decided that it was a good time to run around the house screaming with the dog (apparently a.k.a. the "poof monster") who was going to "fire" them.  Their screaming is keeping Julia from eating, because she's trying to see what on earth is going on over there, so I admonish the kids to use inside voices, and if they want to be in the room with me right now, they need to sit.  Olivia will always jump at the chance to sit on my bed and talk, but Levi was off playing by himself.  He came back in the room a few minutes later, and Olivia said "Wevi, what's that black stuff stuck to your leg?"

If you have toddlers in diapers at home, it probably won't take three guesses for you to figure out what she was talking about.  Especially after she got down off my bed to sniff said mystery substance on her brother's leg.  All for Mama to observe from the rocking chair while feeding the fussing baby.  Laugh/cry moment number one!  I laid Julia down to survey the damage.  It wasn't pretty.  Down his leg, and all over my bedroom carpeting, with a lovely trail on the floor in the hall, the rug, he got it EV-REY-WHERE.  So gross.  The clock says 9:45.  Well, we won't be there at 10 today.  Oh well.

I take him upstairs to change him, including a new outfit, and go back into my room to give Julia her pacifier before continuing to clean up the minefield all over the floor.  After everything was sufficiently disinfected, I wash up and get back to lunches.  Julia is still fussing, so I ask Olivia to go in and talk to her while I finish getting things packed up.  I come back in to find Olivia hiding purposely in a corner where Julia can't see her to avoid any implications of sisterly affection.  Awesome.  I am struggling to be patient at this point, and avoid saying something snarky about what a loving thing that was to do.

By the time I get lunches, diaper bags, and park gear out the door, kids buckled into carseats, and back out of my driveway, it is pushing 10:45.  Why is it that trying to get 3 kids out the door is like herding cats with your arm tied behind your back?  Not every day, sure, but today - it felt like I was trying to move out of my house!

We arrive at the park, and I start getting Julia into the baby carrier so that I will be able to carry her, and have enough free hands to carry all the stuff.  I have the older two kids waiting in the grass as I walk around to the back of the van to get one last thing.  Our van has automatic doors, and I had just pushed the button to close the side door.  Not two seconds after I am behind the van, I hear a bloodcurdling scream from Levi.  I drop what I had in my hands, and run over to find his left hand latched into the door.  I quickly get him free, and soothe the sore fingers on his chubby hand with kisses.  Never mind that I've told him a thousand times to keep his hands away from the doors.

It was just a short walk from the van to the picnic table where everyone had gathered, but as soon as I got there, Julia spit up all over the place.  Because I'm wearing her, it goes straight down my shirt, and all over her front too.  I had set the bags down in the grass, and as I bend to fish out a burp rag, I notice a big 'ol Daddy Long Legs sitting on the edge of the diaper bag.  *shudder*  I tried to shoo it off with my sunglasses, and instead it crawled into the diaper bag.  That was just the first of many, as I later discovered.  Oh dear.

Neither Olivia or Levi thought it prudent to wait for bathing suits to play in the splash pad, so at this point I concede that they are getting baths when we get home regardless, and decide to just let them play.  However, changing them into their suits was supposed to be my reminder to put sunscreen on them.  Whoops.

We leave the park to head home for nap time, and I get the kids all bathed and dressed and ready for their naps without incident.  I'm starting to regain some semblance of Mommy confidence!  As lots of Mommies can attest, nap time is the time for sanity to reappear (most days).  ;)  I get them settled in, and remind them that they are not to get out of their beds, or play in their beds, or make loud noises, etc. etc.

Levi does not heed Mama's voice.  Sometimes I think that kid likes getting disciplined.  Finally after the third time and he's still being disruptive, I decide to cut my losses and just make him go to bed early.  Better than him waking the other two who were sleeping.  I scolded him again, and told him that if he must stay awake, he would be doing it on the couch downstairs where he couldn't disturb his sleeping sisters.

Then, for a few blessed moments, I sat quietly, ate my lunch, and collected my thoughts.

The day suddenly took a turn for the better.

I decided that after nap time, we were going for Chinese food.  Because, you know, that would make the day seem . . . happier.  And I was too tired to think about cooking dinner.  haha

So we did!  And the kids loved it.  Olivia kept saying "MMMM!  This is my favorite dinner ever!"  Then they both asked for seconds!  I guess sometimes it really is more fun to eat something when it's not the same old stuff your Mom makes.  ;)

As soon as we got home, before we even went into the house, I rounded everyone up for our evening walk.  It was a beautiful evening.  We saw a deer come bounding out of the woods, and run up ahead of us a little before pausing to eat some of the mulberries that had fallen on the path.  Olivia was thrilled to have also seen a bunny, and she picked me some clover and declared that today was "flower day".  She handed it to me with an "I just love you so much, Mommy."  Win.

We were out at that magic hour when everything was bathed in golden light, and my heart felt lighter too.  I was pondering something I'd heard very recently: even on days like this, it is essential that I remember that God is on his throne.  He is sovereignly in control of the circumstances of my life no matter how difficult or even petty they may seem.  Jesus goes before me to prepare the path for my feet, he walks beside me as I mother my children, and he comes behind me to clean up my junk when I don't get it right.  I am not alone.

I'm sure I will look back on this day in ten years and wish for the time when my day was only filled with cleaning up messy diapers, and spit up, and battling nap times.   Yet, I don't want to miss this.  There are heart issues here that require training too.  I am raising up the next generation and training them up in faith that they will prayerfully belong to Jesus someday.  This is no small thing!  I love my children, and I have always wanted to be a Mommy, but it is hard. work.  Beautiful?  Yes.  Rewarding?  Beyond a shadow of a doubt.  And day in and day out, through the mundane and extraordinary, this is where the battle is being wrought.

As I tucked my slightly sunburned, rosy cheeked little loves in tonight, and breathed in the faint smell of baby soap on their skin, I pleaded with God again to draw their little hearts to himself.  These days when I am overwhelmed, exhausted, and not as Christ-like in my parenting as I would wish - I ask him to redeem my failures, and use them for his glory.

I listened to the kids singing their "night-night song" Praise God from whom all blessings flow . . . 

Yes.  Always, yes.

Spring Happenings

What a beautiful, blessed Spring it has been for our family.  We have been busy!  :)

The biggest bit of news, as most of you know, is that our sweet Julia Elise joined our family on March 9th.  She was born at 11:13 am, and came in at 7 lbs 6 1/2 oz, 21 3/4" long.  She was my smallest baby yet, but the longest of the three!

Meeting their baby sister for the first time.

Being a family of five has been an easier transition than what I anticipated, but it has also presented several challenges I had not.  By God's grace, I am learning!

Going home from the hospital as a family of FIVE!

Although it has taken everyone getting used to exercising a little more patience, the older kids have not shown an ounce of "sibling rivalry" but instead have been absolutely smitten with their new baby sister.  Olivia especially, has been so sweet to watch.  She has become so "grown up", and has been a good helper to me!  She regularly asks to hold Julia, and she has also helped with feedings.  :)

Be still, oh my beating heart!

I have been counseling myself to keep the little things the little things, and focus on REST.  I'm not sure why it has taken me three babies to figure this out, but I know myself as a Mama by now well enough to know, if I run myself into the ground, everyone else in the family will end up paying for it.  Naps are not just a luxury - they are a necessary part of healing after childbirth!  Those early days of living in newborn fog were much easier to navigate with an eternal perspective: in eternity, what will matter more?  That I was diligent with my dishwashing?  Or gentle with little hearts in the midst of my exhaustion?  And yet, through my (many) failings, God is always faithful.

First time in a carrier!  Close to Mommy's heartbeat.

So, we took it extra slow the first month or so, and Julia has woven herself down deep into all our hearts.

Nate:

Nate has been anticipating for some time now the end of his time at Verizon Business.  With the company consolidating his department, he has been waiting to receive word of his official "end date".  That finally came in a meeting at the end of March, so he will be staying with the company through the end of the year (God willing), and then moving on to something new!

In the meantime, he will be on standby, as it were, for a possible company strike out on the East coast.  Being properly prepared for the work should a strike occur, involves a week of training near Washington DC.  So there is a lot of travel he will be looking forward to!  

He had taken over my paper route (USA Today) for me full time after Julia was born, but the company recently downsized its carriers, so the paper route has completely gone away for good!  We are both excited about the fact that this means more sleep!!  We were in a different season when I accepted the position as a carrier, and our family has gone through lots of changes since then.  What began as a creative way for me to contribute to the family income was starting to feel like a burden.  We are thankful for God's mercy in making the decision to be done for us. 

Daddy's also getting pretty good at being a lap juggler.  ;)

Olivia Grace:

My big girl turned four the day we brought Julia home from the hospital.  She has matured so much in the last few months!  I am so thankful for her.

She still loves all things ballet, and she sleeps with her cherished bunnies, although they are starting to tag along less frequently throughout the day.  :)  She makes cozy beds for them to sleep in while she's playing.

She received a pair of "puddle boots" as she calls them, for her birthday, so we look forward to rainy days!  So far, there has only been one mishap with a face plant in the mud.  :)

She is starting to enjoy her role as "big sister" and takes it quite seriously.  She has taken to tutoring Levi in his letters, and she "reads" stories to him often.  It's neat to see their friendship blossoming!

Why are you taking my picture at breakfast??

She is quirky, and funny, and she loves to act silly.  She's still my sassafras - and she has plenty of sugar AND spice.  

She has an amazingly compassionate spirit for someone so young, and I can't wait to see how God develops that!

Levi Jeffrey:

Oh my.  Levi.  <3  My son is ALL BOY.  He is the definition of mischief.  He has no respect whatsoever for the laws of physics, he loves to make noise with whatever he can find, and he just has to know what is behind every door, cupboard, and other forbidden places.  ;)

The "whoops, I got caught" face.  Yes, that is cocoa powder.  :)

He is testing his independence, along with the boundaries that Mommy and Daddy have placed, which makes for lots of interesting confrontations.  Although, sometimes he tries to corner me with those dimples and long eyelashes.  ;)

Big boy haircut!

He is also one of the most joyful kids I know.  You can't help being around him without smiling.  I think perhaps God has a career path in theater planned out for him, because he loves to be exceptionally dramatic.  Usually when it involves something not going his way.

"I'm a BEEE-ear!" (Even though it's a lion costume! Ha!)

In typical boy fashion, he is currently obsessed with anything that has wheels!  Trucks, trains, cars, oh yes, and airplanes.  They have landing gear that counts for wheels, right?  :)

He is extremely verbal for a little one his age - he can carry on full conversations!  Maybe we have his older sister to thank for that?  

He was telling me "It's my BIRF-DAAAAAY!"

He turned two the end of April, and for his birthday this year, we gave him his most favorite thing.  TRUCKS!  He had a truck cake, truck decorations, and even a truck banner that spelled out "Happy Birthday".  He was one pretty excited two year old.  :)

And his most favorite person in the whole wide world right now, is his Daddy.  :)  Although, I admit, I am a bit envious, it does my heart good to see his whole face light up when he hears his Daddy come home.  He's almost a celebrity!

Ah.  I love that kid.  <3

Our Springtime has been full - and the last few months have felt more like years in some ways.  We are learning and growing as a family, and God is molding and shaping.  Though it sometimes hurts to be held to the fire to be made more pliable, I am thankful that I can rest in knowing I am in the good hands of the Potter, who is fashioning me for his perfect purposes.

Grace and Peace,

Amanda